Jokes for all season

Jokes and humor light up our life after a hard day work. Sometimes it makes sense for us to make jokes when things get tough in our daily routine. These are some of the jokes/humor that makes a difference in our life.

1.      Confession of grandma. Malaysia is trying hard to promote medical tourism. Tourists come to Malaysia for holidays and at the same time seek medical help in our private hospitals. A long the way we earn extra income. A grandmother from England went Penang for such a purpose. After seeing 3 doctors, her problem was still unsolved. She later visited more doctors both in Melaka and Kuala Lumpur. She e-mailed her daughter saying, “After many doctors, I still have pain in the neck. What will I do?” The daughter coolly replied, “Mum, you are lucky. Seeing 10 doctors is better than meeting one coroner.”

2.      The porter from Myanmar. A Malaysian rock star checked into a 5-star hotel in downtown Kuala Lumpur. Being young and famous, he wanted to show off his good fortune and wealth to the outside world. At the check in counter, he asked a porter to carry the luggage to his suite in the hotel. Coming from Myanmar, the porter had difficulty communicating in English. When the luggage was safely deposited in the closet, he asked the man what was the highest tip he received so far. Not knowing what it was, the porter just kept quiet. The rocker insisted, “Tell me how much.” Reluctantly, the porter replied, “100 ringgit sir.” The rocker took out a 100 ringgit bill and gave to the smiling porter. Curious at what he saw, the rocker asked, “How many of this tips you get so far?” “This is my first highest tip sir.” The conversation ended unceremoniously.

3.      Life on the golf course. Malaysia can boast many golf courses throughout the length and breadth of the country. One such golf course is named Kelab Cinta Sayang, located up north the country. This club employed lady caddies, especially imported from the neighboring countries. Being professional, these cadies could give tips during putting time on the green. One afternoon a local golfer came to the club to play golf with 3 other friends. Since their wives were away on other business they decided to get the service of the lady cadies. Who knows, with right tips, they could get something extra when the game was over and done with! At the last hole, the golfer went into trouble. He had to put the ball up the slope 3 m long. After consulting the caddy and with usual style, he struck the ball. It slowly went up the slope and stopped a few mm short of the hole. The caddy said, “Kurang keras pak!”

4.      A tale from the east coast. In the old days, the east coast state of Kelantan was not what you see today. In downtown Kota Bharu, some food courts employed the service of young Thai (then called Siam) ladies to lure clients. They could strike a conversation with the ladies, but touching was forbidden. Nowadays, we call these ladies GRO. One client from Kuala Lumpur who was in for the first time in Kota Bharu wanted to try his luck. He was naïve and just wanted to test his Kelantanese dialect. He said, “Mek mari sini.” The young Thai obligingly moved closer towards the man. Then he asked, “Mu Sie?” Without hesitate the Thai lady replied, “Sie boleh, male pun boleh.” That means any time of the day.

I know many of you are very busy and seriously working with your graduate students trying to finalize their papers worthy of submitting to high impact journals. I guess each day is a tough one. While working, you may want to take a break and read the jokes given above. It may light up your day. You know what? When you are sick, you need to take the right medicine. Joke is a good medicine to many people. As people say when the time gets tough, the tough get going. It happens all the time in academia.

Academic freedom

Of examination question, empowerment and academic freedom

Lately, there was brouhaha about the quality of questions in the final examination in the university. This is my view about the whole thing. Consider these scenarios:

1.      This story is from an American university of repute. The professor of a course offered in the university has his own style of teaching, unique to himself only. For all intents and purposes, the class is able to grasp what he is talking about. For the final examination, he asks the students to submit to him what they think their grades are. He takes the grade in good faith and factored in the final calculation of the course grade;

2.      A story has it that a world-class professor in a European university came to his class to give final examination to his students. He wrote down two questions on the board and asked the students to begin answering the questions. Time given was unlimited. A student finished and submitted his examination script to him only to find out that there was something wrong with the answer. He was allowed to have another chance to make it right. He told the audience that his job was to teach and until the students learned, he kept teaching them no matter how long it took him;

3.      The next story came from a university in the West, which is listed in the top 10 of world ranking. The professor gave only one question for a three-hour examination. The question asked was, “Why?” The students were surprised by the one-word question asked. As the professor was given full authority by the powers-that-be to ask what he thought the best question to test the understanding of the course he taught, there was no complain. But the majority of the students looked puzzled although they started to write, many pages. The best student in the class spent time thinking about the question. He thought of some answers, but did not like them, and so he tore off the answer script. He tried some more but still not quite like it. At last he took a nap and spent time thinking about the question. He scratched something on a piece of paper and submitted to the professor just in time before the bell rang. The other students thought that he was finished. When the result came out, he scored the highest mark (A⁺). The answer he gave was, “Why not.”

What I am driving at, as lecturers of the courses, we should be given the autonomy to ask any question we think is the best for the examination. No body else in the university is better than the lecturer teaching that particular course themselves. This is what academic freedom is all about.

To be a world class university, we not only feed the students with fact related to the course we are teaching, but we also encourage them to think critically.

Shamshuddin Jusop

The Ghost of Bintulu

 

You may have heard a lot about ghost before or the devils if you will. It is part and parcel of our life. People say ghosts are everywhere, but lucky enough we do not or cannot see them because our eyes are not meant to see ghost, which is a wave-like creature. Or else we cannot move around on the earth surface because there are too many of them around. God says ghost exists. It sure is. However, there is no estimate of their number in the world. Under normal circumstances, they do not disturb us. They may be around, but we do not seem to bother about their presence as we are usually not affected by them. From time to time we hear stories about people being possessed (disturbed) by ghost. Here is one of the stories as told by my student recently.

Last week (October 3-6, 2010) I was in UPM Bintulu campus to sample some soils for my RUGS project. I brought along three graduate students to help in the sampling. One of them was Roslan Ismail, a PhD student. Dr Arifin Abdu of the Faculty of Forestry was also in the team. For the whole trip, Dr Arifin and I stayed in a hotel, Park City Evelyn Hotel, which is located a few km from the campus. The students were accommodated at the student hostel.

Roslan was given the key to a room in the top floor of a residential block of the college. He took the key in good faith and went on to sleep there for three nights. For your information, the entire floor was not occupied by students. It was empty. It must be something fishy! It has to be. So Roslan was sleeping there alone. In one of the nights, somebody knocked at the door of his room. He opened the door but saw no one. There were two more knocks. He kept his cool. He thought somebody was playing trick on him. So he went on to sleep. When he was about to doze off, he felt as if somebody pulled off his foot. It occurred twice. He didn’t bother to check though.  It didn’t occur to him that he was in for a surprise, an encounter with the devil.

The next morning he told the students that he was leaving for home as his job was done in good time. The students were surprised to see him in good mood with cheerful face. Only then that he realized (was told) the room he was sleeping for the last three nights was haunted and that nobody wanted to stay there. No wonder that particular floor was not occupied by anyone. They said that the room was keras. It means that it is haunted! For all you know, a ghost is making a living there. Apparently, the ghost came in to test his nerve. Since he did not know anything about it, he slept soundly throughout the three nights. Lucky for him nothing untoward happened. Roslan told me about his experience with ghost while we were on board of the Malaysian Airlines to KLIA on October 6, 2010.

We are all God’s creatures. Ghost has as much right as us to stay at any corner of the earth. We have to respect her right as much as she has to respect ours. However, she should not do things considered as disturbing our peace of mind! We cannot have peace of mind when a ghost goes around scaring people. The Malays believe that they should ask permission from its guardian before passing an area new to them. This is to ensure they are safe and sound and that their minds are not possessed by the devils.

Shamshuddin Jusop

The Delights of Kota Bharu

 

Every city has its own charm. People talk of London, Paris, New York or Beijing because of what they are –unique and special on their own right. What makes these cities tick? Well, they are unique with their own character and beauty unmatched by others. And so is Kota Bharu, the political and cultural capital of Kelantan, the state nicknamed as negeri Che Siti Wan Kembang. Kota Bharu is the heartland of the Malays in Kelantan, known for its food, art and culture. It is also the play ground of the Kelantan ruling class.

People go to Kota Bharu in droves during holiday seasons not to see the high rise buildings and shopping malls, but rather its people and culture. Kota Bharu is a sleepy hollow no more. But still its people are carefree, unlike those in Kuala Lumpur where they have no time to stop and stare. There people do know if you are a new guy in town.

At my age, I don’t have the strength to drive from Kajang to Kota Bharu. In normal days, it takes about 8 hours. It will be more during the festive season such as Hari Raya. So my wife and I took AirAsia flight from KLIA to Kota Bharu. At the airport I rented a car, Perodua Viva, costing RM 90 per day. That was where the trouble started. Not knowingly the car was so small, a far cry from my Volvo and Toyota Camry. With manual transmission, I found it hard to handle. My wife kept nagging all the way from Kota Bharu to Machang. It was just like I explained to you all in my write-up last week, one for the Hari Raya. The story fell flat on my face, but I just kept my cool. I did not let go my steam! I did not want to spoil the otherwise happy occasion.

I was born and bred in Kelantan, but know very little of Kota Bharu itself. It is all because I had moved to the west coast states since I started my secondary education. In Kota Bharu, I am just like any other strangers. I, however, have to be there from time to time as I have my root in the state. I was in Kota Bharu last week en route to Machang where I had to attend the wedding of my niece. Being the patriarch of the family I have to show my face.

At the wedding ceremony we were entertained by the delights of Kelantan, the dikir barat and silat. Dikir barat is immortalized in films and advertisements to showcase the lively Malaysian culture. In the old days, dikir barat was a whole night affair, starting at 10 pm and lasted 5 am. The enthusiasts would spend the whole of the next day sleeping. What a waste?

It was a few days past the Eid Mubarak (Hari Raya) holidays but the mood was still on. In usual Malaysian style, Hari Raya celebration could go for one month. For Muslims, it is our duty to pray at the graveyard of our ancestors during Hari Raya. We pray so that their souls will rest in peace. It was also for this that I went back to my village this time around.

Back to Kota Bharu, I noticed a lot of change in the city’s landscape. It is now promoted as an Islamic city by the PAS-led state government. Here people voted the opposition to take them to heaven. Time will tell if they are right in their choice. In the desire to be at par with the cities in the west coast states, Kota Bharu is being developed. And fast. I wish that its charm and character will remain intact. Development can go without destroying its soul.

If you are in Kota Bharu spend some time at Pasar Khadijah, its crown jewel. It has of late undergone massive renovation. With its exotic design, Pasar Khadijah offers a range of products, from food items to garment to textiles. Fresh fruits and vegetables which are mostly imported from across the border are sold at the sale prices. The market is dominated by women who are mostly in middle age. I tell you, these ladies are good in their trade, being seasoned by difficulties in life. Some of them are widows who keep divorcing their husbands like changing clothes. They are an independent lot. The number of gold chain in their hands indicates how successful they are in their business.

Food is cheap in Kelantan. If you are hungry during lunch time, head towards Yati Ayam Percik Restaurant. With less than RM 50 in hand, you can get white rice topped with the tasty gulai kawah, ayam percik and daging panggang for 4 people. Freshly cooked dishes are available at Sham Restaurant located near the hospital. For nasi kandar lovers, there is one excellent outlet in downtown Kota Bharu. Gosh, it has a good run for your money.

There are many handicraft outlets in the city, selling silverwares and batik shirt. Outsiders, beware! They are in for the bargain. Kelantan is known for its delicately designed kites. One of it, the wau bulan, has been used as an icon by the national carrier, the Malaysian Airlines.

The city provides good accommodation too. If you need one, remember to head towards the 5-star Renaissance Hotel, which is attached to Billion Shopping Mall. With RM 225++ (after discount for government servant) rate it is the best money can buy in town. A room with similar style and service in Brisbane would cost more than RM 1000.

At Merbok I was alone, while in Brisbane my 2 daughters were around. In Renaissance Kota Bharu, I had my wife all to myself. I brought her along just in case, if you know what I mean. You can say that it was a honeymoon of sort. What can that be for a man above 60? Well, you can never tell till you try it! You know what? It will make the difference in a 5-star atmosphere.

Shamshuddin Jusop

One for the Hari Raya

Once upon a time there live a husband and wife who have a couple of children living with them in downtown Kajang. They are in the mid 50s. Both of them are at the top of their careers in private sector and are always busy with their work, day in and day out. They are in this situation for quite some time and seldom spent quality time either with each other or with the children.

In one of the Hari Raya holidays they decided to rent an apartment in the resort town of Port Dickson for a few days to sort things out. With their children around, they could cook, play and doing all sorts of things together. All these so as to be together again in one happy family like they once was. In the next morning, the husband decided to help his wife preparing breakfast. While she was busy making omelet, the husband came in for a surprise. “Let me help you darling. I am good at this”.

“Are sure you want to help?” asked the wife.

“Yes. I sure do” he replied instantly.

The wife thought this was something new. It never happened before. “OK” said the wife. “Come in.” She was rather reluctant to let her husband disturb.

While in the kitchen he coolly asked, “Have you put the salt?”

“Yes,” replied the dear wife.

“Put more salt.”

“OK.”

“Turn it over. Do it again.”

“OK, my dear.”

“Cut into two.”

“Yes. Yes.”

The wife sensed something was not right. She was wondering what her husband was up to. Before the next instruction was given, she intercepted and said “What are you doing? What are you driving at? Are you getting mad? I know what I am doing.”

“Well, my dear,” said the husband point blank. “That was what I got when I was on the wheel yesterday. You kept instructing me as if I was a new driver. You kept telling this and that all the way from Kajang to PD. Just to remind you, my dear, I got my driving license some 30 years ago and was never caught for traffic offence. I knew exactly what I was doing.”

What is the moral of the story? There is no need to teach a duck how to swim. You give your advice to your friends in good faith. But sometimes it may be taken out of context. I am talking about my e-mail advice to you from time to time. It may ends up this way.

About the odd couple, they came to term with each other after that incidence. It went without saying that they lived happily ever after. If you are under the same situation my advice to you is to take a holiday and spend quality time with your love ones.  Hopefully, your problems will be settled in due course, God willing.

I hope you don’t take offence on my e-mailing you this message. You may wonder the wisdom of constantly reminding you from time to time on the matter of your bread and butter, as if I don’t trust you. After all, you are as good as or if not better than me in writing paper. You know what? I am an old hand in this campus. In terms of age, length of service and seniority, few can beat me in UPM right now. I started working with this university way back in June 1972 when tigers were still roaming in the area where Hospital Serdang now stand, and was appointed a full professor on January 1, 1993. I consider myself being one of the few old guards left standing. There is something in my advice that you can use to steer your future as academics at UPM. For the up and coming academics in the faculty, please take my words. If I can reach this far, I am sure you could. Believe me. Your papers will do the work for you.

Shamshuddin Jusop

In the spirit of 1 Malaysia

Yesterday I received a copy of the distinguished American journal, Soil Sci. Soc. Amer. J., vol. 74, no. 4, July-August 2010, for being a member of the society. In this volume of the journal, I have an article entitled "Increasing the Organic Matter Content of an Oxisol using Rice Husk Compost: Changes in Composition and its Chemistry". For your information, we are competing with the best soil scientists in the world. Hence, we have to use the state-of-the-art research equipment to be in business. For this research, my PhD student, Markus, used solid state 13C NMR available at UTM, Skudai, Johor, to study rice husk compost undergoing decomposition in soils. It costs about MYR 8,000 to my research budget though.But my friends, It is worth it.

Another PhD student of mine, Muhrizal,  went to use SEM at USM (Perak branch) some years ago when ours at that time was out of commission. And before that, we got the help from our colleagues at MINT and Petronas Laboratory, both at Bangi, Selangor. They were very happy to help. What I am driving at is if we cannot bring mountain to us, we go to the mountain. That is the way it should be.

You know what? Whatever equipment available in this country, located in public institutions,  belongs to Malaysia. Everybody should be given access to these equipment. We do not mind paying for the services and running cost. In this way, we are supporting the 1 Malaysia concept that the present government is seriously promoting. Alas, it is sometimes not happening in our courtyard of late.To say is far easier than done. When our graduate students approach lecturers for help, not all are giving smiling faces. What does it mean? It means that these people are not willing to help out. If this happens and is allowed to happen, how can we progress and become a developed nation comes the year 2020 that we dream about! I appeal to my esteemed colleagues in UPM to please emulate our counterparts in other institutions in the country.

I end my write-up this time around with a pantun since we are in the festive mood (Eid Mubarak). It goes like this:

Ada puasa, ada raya
Ada data, ada paper

Shamshuddin Jusop

Twilight in Merbok

Twilight in Merbok

Some of you have never heard of Merbok or its whereabouts, let alone its thriving mangrove lining up the river bank. Well, for your information, it is in one of the remote corners of the Kedah vast coastal plains. For all you know, Merbok is far from the madding crowd, a place of tranquility amid plenty. Here village folks usually welcome unscheduled guests into their home without a fuss.  That is one of the reasons why I chose to do my research there, to have a feel of Merbok atmosphere. It sounds like the title of my next novel. If it is, it will be probably my last. I have my respect for mangrove as it is one of the breeding grounds for microbes that helps form my favorite mineral, pyrite (FeS₂). This mineral forms the basis of the development of acid sulfate soils of which I am an expert. Pardon me for being so passionate about this place.

You may now want to know the main reason why I chose to write something on Merbok this time around. It is because it has what I want for my research on soil acidity and its subsequent effects on rice production. I am now doing a research there so as to improve the infertility of an acid sulfate soil in its vicinity for rice cultivation. My intention is good that is to increase the area for rice production in the country. In so doing, I am helping the government to achieve the 86% self-sufficiency in rice that we are aiming for.

It was August 29, 2010, in the middle of the fasting month. As I was sitting in my room at the Park Avenue Hotel in downtown Sg Petani waiting for the sahur, I got an idea to write this piece for your reading pleasure. For all intents and purposes, I enjoy writing (paper or short article) and will do so whenever opportunity arises. In a hotel room in the company of no one, my mind went wild for a while. For whatever it means, a man my age should behave in the month of Ramadan. That I know. So what could I do? Writing is the best way out. It sure is!

I checked in at the hotel at 4 pm on the previous day after an hour taxi drive from the airport. Soon thereafter, I called Alias, the field assistant, to bring in Elisa, Roslan and the driver for a get together at the hotel. At the moment Elisa is conducting a research for her MS thesis in Merbok, while Roslan (a PhD student of mine) was there to help harvesting rice in the research plots. Breaking our fast together is a good practice, which is consistent with the spirit of 1 Malaysia concept that the government is right now promoting seriously. Alas, the Ramadan buffet at the hotel was fully booked that day. After scouting for a while to get a suitable eatery, we ended up booking for a table for five at the D’Jetty Restaurant, located on the bank of Merbok River. As this story would have it, this was a blessing in disguise.

Break fasting time in Merbok was 8 minutes after azan in Kuala Lumpur. So while waiting for the moment to eat, we focused our mind entirely on the sunset in Merbok under the cloudless sky. Slowly but surely the sun disappeared into the twilight zone at about 7.30 pm. We saw immediately the sky was changing to brilliant colors of dusky red-yellow (Plate 1). I tell you, it was such a beautiful site to watch. For me, being on Merbok River at twilight was a dream came true. I was so touched by it.

Plate 1. Twilight at Merbok River

My MAS flight to KLIA was rescheduled to 3.20 from 9.20 pm on August 29, 2010. So to be able to do some decent work in the field, I had to start early on that day. I told Alias to fetch me from the hotel at 7.30 am sharp so that I could be at the research site at 8 am. I got there on time. To my surprise, waiting at the research site and ready with equipment were Elisa’s father and mother, accompanied by 4 Bangladesh workers to give helping hands for the yield, tissue and soil samplings. For the latter, their presence was at no cost to my research budget. How wonderful. This was indeed something new. As a result of their help we only needed 2 days instead of the usual 1 week to finish the job. If this is emulated somewhere else, imagine the benefit it could bring to the scientific fraternity in the country. I have never heard of parent becoming interested with the research program of their kid, let alone help harvest the crop in the field plots. In the true spirit of parenthood, Elisa’s father and mother came in the aid of their daughter, either driven by love or out of curiosity.

To tell you the truth, our harvest of the first crop of rice was a bit late. It was later than usual. I noticed that all the surrounding farmers had harvested their crops (Plate 2). As such, insects started to attack our crop in droves. The reason for the late harvest was that we have had some problems during the sowing. The field plots were suffering from lack of water at that time. The seeds that we broadcast did not germinate on time. We had to pump the acid water from the drainage canal into the plots to keep the experiment going. Because of this the ripening period was somewhat delayed that affected the time of harvest.

Plate 2. Photograph showing the research plots; farmer’s field is on the right

By and large, the research went on as scheduled and the results were as expected (Plate 3). The growth of rice (variety MR 219) on the treated plots was significantly better than that of the control, and so was the yield. The exact yield is being estimated, while the effects of treatments on the chemical properties of the soil will be determined. My estimate is that we could at least triple the yield of about 2 tons/ha/season using farmer’s practice. It means that if the farmers in the area use our technique of ameliorating the soils before sowing, they can earn a decent living by cultivating rice on highly degraded acid sulfate soils, which are notoriously unproductive.

Plate 3. Rice growing in the research plots

For all intents and purposes, I have done my job as a Professor of Soil Science in the Faculty of Agriculture, UPM. I train the young minds needed for Malaysia to get things going and help farmers in the far-flung places, such as Merbok, increase their income. For these, I stand to gain point needed for the Hereafter, God willing.

Shamshuddin